This made me cry for about 10 minutes because of how much i relate and how seen I felt by it and for your emotion too that I felt in every word. My favorite entry of this season (I know we are only in week 3 but I also know myself and I feel like nothing is gonna top this one for me). It's powerful and raw and emotional and phenomeally written. You make us feel so much with your words. Thank you for sharing this with us 🫂
I've always dealt with addictions and disordered eating alongside them. It started with starving as a young kid, cigarettes when i was *eleven* and it just escalated to a lot of other heavy shit from there. the way you wrote about this being an affair of 39 years, that was like a gut punch for me. Even though I managed to live without them eventually, the temptation to go back to any of my old addictions or to just starve or purge is always there even though I don't. (though when under stress even now I have trouble eating properly/at all, I just try and force small things).
The other thing i love most about this is the ending. Your resilience and determination shines through so much here and I relate to that too. I seriously don't doubt that you can avenge yourself those four times.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-07-25 05:41 pm (UTC)I've always dealt with addictions and disordered eating alongside them. It started with starving as a young kid, cigarettes when i was *eleven* and it just escalated to a lot of other heavy shit from there. the way you wrote about this being an affair of 39 years, that was like a gut punch for me. Even though I managed to live without them eventually, the temptation to go back to any of my old addictions or to just starve or purge is always there even though I don't. (though when under stress even now I have trouble eating properly/at all, I just try and force small things).
The other thing i love most about this is the ending. Your resilience and determination shines through so much here and I relate to that too. I seriously don't doubt that you can avenge yourself those four times.